Anti-boinking measures at Olympics officially surpass gold medal-level stupidity

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Spoiler alert: These aren’t going back to home countries.

Spoiler alert: These aren’t going again to residence international locations.
Picture: Shutterstock

Intercourse within the Olympic Village is a speaking level at each Video games, as if someway it’s stunning {that a} bunch of younger, sizzling, athletic individuals from all around the world have a behavior of getting it on with members of the tiny subset of people that they will join with over their very fascinating and distinctive expertise of constructing it to the Olympics.

If something, it’s beautiful that there hasn’t been an Olympic Village actuality present but. Perhaps when MTV’s The Problem turns into an Olympic sport?

The organizers of the Tokyo Video games have a problem on their fingers, as a result of they’re attempting to someway pull off the phantasm of a secure, socially-distanced, non-disease spreading Olympic expertise. So: No nookie, please.

The geniuses attempting to cram an Olympics right into a pandemic at the moment are touting “anti-sex beds” for the Olympic Village that collapse below an excessive amount of weight, whereas additionally distributing condoms to athletes, “to assist with consciousness by taking them again to their very own international locations.”

You possibly can simply think about the athletes within the Olympic Village now, can’t you?

“Whats up, fellow Olympic athlete. I feel you’re very engaging.”

“Pleasant, you might be additionally engaging to me, and right here we’re establishing a connection that’s each bodily and based mostly on our frequent bond as Olympians.”

“Would you prefer to have a few of that Olympic Village intercourse that everybody talks about?”

“Positive do!”

“Wait, we are able to’t. The mattress will break.”

“That’s proper. Additionally, these condoms are supposed to return with us to our residence international locations, to boost consciousness. It will be flawed of us to make use of one for intercourse right here.”

“Yeah, and we undoubtedly can’t have intercourse with out a mattress.”

“Oh properly, it was a good suggestion.”

“Yeah, see you in 4 years, perhaps!”

No, they’re going to fuck.

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