‘I attempted to get my thrill by consuming, being silly and getting outrageously drunk… it took its toll when it comes to my psychological state’


Tom Stephenson can’t fairly consider it. As a participant, he was by no means a fan of working at coaching. But, lower than a 12 months after leaving rugby behind on the comparatively younger age of 26, he’s a rejuvenated man on a really worthy mission. 5 marathons in 5 days subsequent month is the audacious plan, his day by day routes beginning at his previous Franklin’s Gardens stomping floor, persevering with at his grassroots rugby membership in Buckingham after which wrapping up on Could 16 when he reaches Twickenham.

The ex-midfielder’s closing vacation spot is fairly apt. English Rugby HQ was the scene of Northampton’s 2014 Premiership title win and Stephenson’s biggest second in a sport that by no means as gloriously invigorated him as a lot because it did that outstanding breakthrough 12 months the place Saints additionally received the Problem Cup and Stephenson then went on to assist England U20s win a second successive World Cup.

Critical accidents, the psychological torture of prolonged layoffs and extreme consuming stifled his profession to such an extent that Stephenson didn’t have the inclination to hold on post-lockdown final summer time, spurning derisory contract provides to as an alternative exit on a limb and search another profession.

Video Spacer

Northampton’s Dan Biggar company on the newest RugbyPass All Entry

Discovering his ft has confirmed instructional. He’s already on his second job, one placing extra of a pep in his step than his preliminary foray into the monetary sector, and his growing skill to look himself within the mirror and confront his demons has now compelled him to provide one thing again to rugby in a remarkably punishing manner.

Earlier than January, Stephenson had by no means run longer than ten kilometres. Final weekend, although, he accomplished a marathon and feels steeled for the prospect of finishing 5 of them in a row from Could 12, hopefully elevating a focused £20,000 for Restart Rugby, the charity wing of the Rugby Gamers’ Affiliation (click on right here for Stephenson’s fundraising web page).

Stephenson was simply again within the door in midweek from a exercise on his break day when he took a name from RugbyPass, his enthusiasm to publicise his athletic endeavours greater than matched by his willingness to candidly focus on some far harder matters. He hopes his honesty could be a assist to others who may be bottling up issues and feeling overwhelmed by life’s challenges.

First the working and the insanity of a schedule that can take a look at him to an excessive. “Lots of my S&C, health club coaches are like, ‘What the heck are you doing?’ I used to be at all times fairly garbage in health checks. I used to be fairly good within the health club however I used to be fairly garbage on the health checks and stuff like that, so to do that was fully out of character and one thing I wasn’t prepared for.

“Hopefully I’ve bought loads higher. I’d like to now do a few of these health checks I used to do in rugby and see how I’m doing as a result of I reckon I might get numerous PBs (private bests)… earlier than January I had been no additional than 10k with out stopping,” admitted Stephenson.

“I at all times knew I needed to do some challenges. I had talked about doing ten marathons in ten days in a few years’ time, however I wanted to do one thing quickly as a result of I had bought some good momentum (after doing a media interview) and it might be an excellent probability to make some cash for the charity. I made a decision on 5 for 5 as a result of my physique wasn’t within the biggest place however with all of the coaching my physique has held up rather well and I ran a marathon final Saturday.

“I’ve bought some confidence from it however I’m additionally actually having fun with it, doing a little totally different coaching to simply weights and getting huge. I’ve misplaced numerous weight, I don’t need to eat as a lot to try to maintain my weight on as a result of I’m not taking part in in opposition to 120kg males.”

If the bodily shift has been restorative, the time to assume whereas pounding the pavements has additionally been empowering for Stephenson who turns 27 on Could 5, every week earlier than his marathon problem commences. “That has been actually attention-grabbing,” he mentioned about on a regular basis spent on his personal clocking up the coaching mileage.

“Once I first began working three or 4 months in the past it was very a lot fascinated about every part, fascinated about the dangerous occasions I’ve been by way of and I used to be nearly fairly detrimental once I was working. I used to be fascinated about my ex-girlfriend once I was working and all that stuff I went by way of however now it’s very nice to see how far I’ve come.

“Now my ideas are very optimistic and when I’m working I’m in an excellent house and it’s fairly good to change off for an hour or two and it’s simply that a part of my day when it’s simply me and also you get numerous pondering executed then. Now I very a lot see it as a optimistic however once I first began it was very a lot a psychological battle as a result of I wasn’t within the biggest mindset. So yeah, it has been good to see that journey develop and I now truly admire it extra.”

Reflections are vivid concerning the eight-season taking part in profession Stephenson had within the paid ranks, an journey that started with a November 2012 Anglo-Welsh Cup look for Northampton as an 18-year-old and culminated in a January 2020 Problem Cup outing for London Irish after fleeting mortgage pit stops at Birmingham Moseley, Randwick and Nottingham.

There have been some mighty highs. “The plain one was profitable the Premiership and one of the best three years of my life had been at Saints. We had been profitable just about each sport, received the Premiership, received the Problem Cup, I used to be profitable with England 20s as nicely and it simply appeared that life was fairly good and we had been occurring some nice piss-ups.

“Like, a number of the nights we had, it’s the form of stuff I’ll look again on without end and a number of the names I used to be taking part in with as nicely. These three years at Saints after we had been profitable every part – if I might return to any time it might be that despite the fact that in hindsight it was in all probability the worst factor for me having all that success so early. It was probably the most enjoyable I undoubtedly had.”

A foot fracture that curtailed most of his 2015/16 season was his first main setback. Subsequent, there was a double leg break in pre-season 2016/17 and even after Stephenson had battled by way of bouts of harmful consuming and abject loneliness to get again taking part in at Saints, he cruelly broke the identical leg nearing the tip of 2018/19 following a change to London Irish the place a wealthy seam of kind noticed him voted on the Championship Workforce of the Season.

“I’ve spoken to so many boys since retiring and located once they have been injured they’ve gone by way of related issues. I principally misplaced that thrill of taking part in on a weekend and it took its toll on me and I attempted to get my thrill by consuming, being silly and getting outrageously drunk, and that ended up taking its toll when it comes to my psychological state.

“A great deal of gamers undergo related stuff when they’re injured. It’s like coaching for a boxing struggle however by no means having a struggle. So you might be continually battling. You see the staff and the worst factor about it was coming into the membership, I used to be at all times nearly hiding from coaches, hiding from gamers, like senior gamers.

“Simply since you felt such as you had been a little bit of a burden and also you simply needed to get out of the way in which. So many gamers have mentioned that to me since, that they felt related. If you find yourself on crutches and you might be out for a 12 months you nearly really feel such as you don’t wish to see the coaches since you are simply in the way in which, you might be getting paid a full wage for nothing.

“What I took with no consideration once I was in that scenario was how a lot it affected my psychological well being once I was there. I used to be no angel. I used to exit consuming loads and was an fool however I labored exhausting on the membership alone – however you do really feel very lonely. I don’t wish to say remoted however it’s nearly as in case you are remoted.

“I actually consider if I sorted my psychological well being at an earlier age I in all probability would nonetheless be taking part in now. I’ve spoken to Northampton and London Irish, they reached out to me and mentioned they wish to put some stuff in place now. I actually consider it’s about educating the younger guys, particularly academy gamers, educating the staff as an entire however particularly the youthful gamers about psychological well being.

“I’ve heard it so many occasions now: everybody takes care of their physique and bodily state however nobody pays a lot consideration to their thoughts. Everybody goes to the health club to take care of their physique however nobody is definitely speaking about their psychological state and coaching their minds to make it stronger. I actually consider if I sorted that once I was 18, 19, 20, then I might have been in a significantly better place now and probably nonetheless taking part in.

“There’s a stat that two in three rugby gamers, once they retire, have suffered from psychological well being. Like two in three is only a silly stat. There must be extra executed all through rugby gamers’ careers. There may be a lot consideration on the internationals and large canine gamers and rightly so nevertheless it’s the gamers you don’t hear about who may play 15, 20 video games a 12 months, they’re simply type of solid apart. It’s these guys who’re struggling and I really feel like they’re nearly forgotten about.

Regardless of these demons, what finally did for Stephenson and the continuation of his taking part in profession was his standing as a middle-rank participant. When the pandemic squeeze hit the enterprise of rugby final 12 months, the sincere to goodness professionals had been most badly hit and understanding he was getting launched by Irish, he opted to give up fairly than persevere on a a lot decrease wage elsewhere.

Stephenson Northampton Restart

Tom Stephenson calls the pictures throughout his Northampton days (Photograph by David Rogers/Getty Pictures)

“I used to be very a lot a middle-to-bottom participant in a membership. I wasn’t your Owen Farrell, I wasn’t your England participant, however I used to be very a lot in that center bracket the place when the internationals would go away I might play and for gamers like me now I simply don’t really feel there’s a market there with the monetary scenario.

“You may have nonetheless bought all the large canine on foolish cash after which you’ve got the younger prospect gamers developing after which it’s the center bracket gamers, the 26, 27-year-olds who haven’t fairly made England or haven’t actually bought a lot worldwide hope however they are often actually good membership gamers, it’s their salaries which can be getting reduce by a big quantity. These gamers are left within the s*** and it made it extra worthwhile for me to start out a profession (exterior rugby).

“It has bounced again a tiny bit (this 12 months) however I nonetheless don’t assume there’s a market there for these gamers. With the Premiership, you’ve got so many international gamers coming over now within the prime tier bracket. All of the younger gamers are those getting the contracts I might have gotten earlier than which is smart nevertheless it’s simply that center type of territory the place the market is flooded and since the Championship isn’t financially in an excellent place both there’s nowhere so that you can go. I bought provided an 80 per cent pay reduce and I wasn’t keen to take that in rugby.

“Everybody has their troubles. I’m certain the worldwide guys have their troubles once they end their profession however the factor is that they receives a commission nicely, they get financially rewarded. It’s the center tier gamers. You may get a good wage in comparison with the actual world however you’ve got solely bought that for eight years and a few individuals loads much less and it’s these gamers who’re fully forgotten about.

“On the golf equipment, they work their arses off. I do know numerous gamers who work their arses off after which the internationals come again and they’re forgotten about. For me, that was the toughest half and that’s the reason I do know what numerous gamers undergo in getting shoved apart. It’s nearly such as you get handled like a bit of meat which mentally took its toll on me. Once I stepped out of rugby I had numerous points buried under due to that which got here out after rugby.”

The jaw-dropping side concerning the Stephenson retirement was that he was fully ill-prepared to interrupt away from rugby. He by no means had a plan B, had by no means imagined a life with out taking part in, so right here he was, moving into the unknown with no security web. “I used to be so under-prepared for leaving rugby. Till April I used to be very a lot nonetheless staying in rugby after which in June, July I made a decision no after which I had no concept what I needed to do.

“I had no expertise, I didn’t do a day’s work expertise in my life, had no diploma, had nothing – I couldn’t have been extra unprepared which I look again now and remorse fully however it’s a kind of issues. Folks instructed me to do stuff however you might be simply so concerned in rugby and caught up in it you don’t hear.

“I type of coated it up that it was high-quality and I used to be fairly wanting ahead to it however deep down I used to be completely petrified. All my mates and everybody near me in all probability thought it’s basic Tom, he’s taking it in his stride, he’ll get a job and might be high-quality. However deep down I used to be completely petrified. It was the very fact I used to be going to need to go and do one thing fully totally different. I had no concept how you can work in the actual world, it was like going again to highschool.

“It was additionally the very fact of dropping that id of the rugby participant. Hastily you’ve got given up on a dream or all you considered for the final ten, 15 years and all you had identified was that after which you’ve got given it up. You had been simply closing that door. Covid made me make the transfer a bit of bit sooner than I had anticipated nevertheless it’s simply the entire concern round that which was the final word factor for me not being alright.”

Brendan Macken, one other retired participant who just lately completed at Irish, lives simply 5 minutes away from Stephenson and was of immense help making some sense of all of it. “I didn’t have a clue how you can apply for a job or something like that, didn’t have a clue how you can put my CV collectively, however one factor Brendan is superb at, which I’ve now realized, is to make use of your contacts.

“It’s superb what number of of my contacts are literally by way of rugby however we simply don’t give it some thought after we end. Lots of these guys are literally keen that can assist you and see you as an asset to their firm. That’s one factor that I’ve realized now however while you depart rugby it’s all an enormous blur and also you’re simply type of s****ing your self about getting a job.

“Wanting again you nearly must take the primary 12 months out of rugby as very a lot a trial 12 months. Go and take a look at every part, be shameless and communicate to individuals, put your title in hats and take a look at every part as a result of you’ve got to kiss numerous toads to seek out the correct one. When it comes to jobs, you may need to undergo 5 or 6 earlier than you truly discover the one you truly wish to do and are good at.

“Until you’ve got that have throughout your taking part in profession, you’ll need to undergo numerous issues to seek out the precise one you get pleasure from. I used to be working at a spot I didn’t get pleasure from for a few months and I simply knew I needed to depart, so it’s simply making an attempt as a lot as doable, placing your title on the market as a lot as doable to individuals, being a bit shameless with it.”

As for rugby, the break has served Stephenson nicely when it comes to how he now appears to be like on the sport. “I fell out of affection with rugby once I first stopped as a result of I used to be going by way of my very own troubles and I blamed numerous issues for it, however now I’m an enormous Northampton fan. Once I was a child I used to be a season ticket holder so I really like watching Northampton and I communicate to numerous the boys there nonetheless.

“I’m signed at Rosslyn Park on the minute however (Nationwide One) rugby didn’t begin this season in any respect. To be sincere, I’ve misplaced a lot weight doing all this working I’m weighing about 83kgs, I’ve misplaced a couple of stone and a half. The probabilities of me attending to play at an alright degree once more are fairly low however I’ll play some enjoyable video games and a few sevens possibly and simply get pleasure from it once more, take the strain out of it, have a couple of beers after and simply benefit from the firm. That’s the half all of us bought into it for and that’s what I get pleasure from.”

Really useful

Extra Information More News

Mailing Record

Signal as much as our mailing record for a weekly digest from the broad world of rugby.

Signal Up Now



Add a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *